Last Place Runner

How many days did I wish I didn’t have to be stuck in an office? How many times did I wish I could spend a day doing only what I wanted to do? Too many to count.

So this morning, on my second morning of joblessness, I found myself showered, dressed and sitting on the couch with a big bowl of Christmas candy. It was really depressing.

My brother manages a restaurant, so I sent him a text to let him know I was coming to see him. Now, of course, I’d already applied for jobs and all that stuff and I needed to get out of the house. The guys that work for my brother are always glad to see me, especially the dishwasher, an adult with special needs. I got there before the lunch crowd came in and they all made a fuss over me and made me laugh. And my brother bought my lunch!

When I sat down to eat, I checked my phone. Sure enough, I had a missed call from the company I had the all-day interview with three weeks ago. I called the guy back, but I already knew what he had to say. And I knew because I felt that I wasn’t right for the job. Not that I couldn’t do it and excel, but there was certainly something about it I just couldn’t put my finger on. I spent three weeks hoping I wouldn’t get the job so that I wouldn’t have to accept. Still, as I waited for the guy to pick up the phone, I knew I would accept if they made an offer.

But they didn’t.

After lunch I had another little errand to do, but then I was facing an afternoon of nothing much. And I couldn’t get behind that. So I came right in the door and changed into some running clothes.

So many times I swore that if I ended up not working, I wouldn’t waste my days in front of the TV. I would run or go for long, long walks every chance I got. Our town is small, but I pretty well covered a wide swath of it this afternoon. Again, I went without my GPS watch or heart rate monitor. I just went out the front door and started walking.

There’s a new-ish trail that cuts across part of town, past a lake and parks.

But it ends rather abruptly at a gravel road. So I kept on truckin’.

The gravel road kept going, but it also lead me to a neighborhood, so I opted for the asphalt. I wound my way through that neighborhood and eventually picked back up at the trail, so I knew I was still about 1.5 miles from home.

I walked about 80 minutes. I think if I had spend that chunk of afternoon in the house watching TV, I would have been miserable. Not just for wasting a day when I could be doing whatever I wanted, but because it really is difficult to not have places to be.

I need to make a plan for how to spend my days if this joblessness drags on, but I realized today that I am kind of in a little bit of denial about what might not happen.

And I think part of that is doing whatever I want, to an extent. Long walks, runs, catch up on TV, keep my house clean. What might be an unhappy time can still be pretty enjoyable.